Perhaps Doom: The Dark Ages Didn’t Require Mechs and Dragons After All

Alright, here goes nothing:

Doom: The Dark Ages. Wow, talk about a mix of things, right? I mean, when did we start having shields and parries in a good ol’ FPS? But hey, not complaining. That part’s actually pretty sweet. And, oh man, that shotgun? It’s like they read my mind for favorite weapons. But then — get this — you’re suddenly in a giant mech or a dragon with neon wings. I mean, how wild is that? But like, not always in a good way. Sometimes it’s like putting pickles in your ice cream. Why did I suddenly think of pickles? Anyway.

So, driving this big ol’ Atlan around? Picture playing Pacific Rim. Huge mech stomping around like it’s nobody’s business, smashing stuff. But rather than duking it out with epic punch-ups, it’s more like, “Oh hey, let me just scoot over here.” Seriously, no chainsaw shield? We’ve got parry skills out the wazoo but nah, let’s just sidestep a bit. Kinda misses the whole energy of Doom, doesn’t it?

But ah, when that mech picks up a gigantic gun? Yeah, that’s the moment we’re living for. Blasting demons left, right, and center. But this gun gets amped up when you dodge stuff. What? Ammo by dodge? Who dreamt that up? I wanna keep that gun around, not just chuck it when done. Let me keep blasting stuff to bits, pretty please.

Now, let’s not even start on the dragon levels… oh wait, here we go. Sounds epic, right? Dragon, lasers, what’s not to love? But somehow, it’s like sitting in traffic. Just dodging all the time, waiting to zap guns. What’s the enemy? Turrets. Turrets, folks. In a game with dragons. It just feels, I dunno, lackluster.

But the flying bits were kinda neat. Zooming around, shooting baddies in the sky. Felt a bit Star Wars-y, if you catch my drift. Wish they would’ve leaned into that more, dropped the dodging nonsense.

It’s weird; Dark Ages itself is cool with its medieval-tech mashup. And those weapons? Chef’s kiss. But every time I’m in the Atlan or dragon, part of me’s thinking — where’s that magic? Why isn’t this as fun as being the Doom Slayer on the ground? If they bring back dragons, I hope it’s with the same pow and zing that makes Doom, well, DOOM!